WILD RIDE

from Midwest Conservative Journal by The Editor

Longtime readers of whatever it is that I do around here know that there are two people I generally don’t like to write about. One of them is John Shelby Spong. “Did you see what Spong wrote?” is a question I never need to be asked because I always know what the megalomaniacal old fraud writes it before he writes it.

Whatever the topic happens to be, Spong will declare that his ridiculous and stupid opinions are established facts attested by the “best scholarship.” Actually, they’ll be more than established facts; Moses brought them down from Mount Sinai. And John, of course, will be sneeringly contemptuous of anything remotely resembling conservative or traditionalist Christianity in all its forms.

Been there, done that.

The other guy I don’t like to write about is Gene Robinson, Episcopal Bishop of the Diocese of As-If-Anybody-Gives-A-Crap-Anymore. For one thing, the guy’s a first-rate publicity whore, one of the best ever, and I don’t like to give him any more pub than he already gets. Secondly, he’s a theological airhead and there are times when I just can’t make myself suffer fools gladly.

But Robbie recently spoke at Cornell University and got some howlers off that are worthy of public notice and attention.

Bishop Gene Robinson has a favorite bumper sticker: Guns don’t kill people, religions do.

“That would be funny if it weren’t true,” he said. “I would argue that 95 percent of all the pain and prejudice we as LGBT people have experienced can be laid at the feet of religious people.”

Yeah and I guess “95 percent of all the pain and prejudice” adulterers feel comes when “religious people” tell them that sleeping around on their husbands/wives is wrong. “95 percent of all the pain and prejudice” alcoholics feel comes when “religious people” tell them that they should stop drinking. You going somewhere with all this, Robbie?

In his lecture, “How Religion is Killing Our Most Vulnerable Youth,” Robinson drew laughs, applause and cheers. He discussed how society has arrived at this debate, said it is unknown what God thinks about homosexuality, and said it is not enough to simply be tolerant of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

We don’t know what God thinks about homosexuality? How do you figure seeing as how homosexual activity is condemned throughout Scripture and Jesus considered sexual immorality in all its forms to be defiling? Easy, says Robbie. The Creator of the universe doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo.

But what seems to be so clear in the Bible, he said, is really not clear at all. It is vital to look at the context of the Bible. Same-sex behavior existed in ancient times, but homosexuality did not, Robinson said.

The word “homosexual” is used in the Bible because of translations that were made, but homosexual orientation is a notion that is just 140 years old, and scripture is silent about homosexuality, he said.

“The Bible isn’t talking about homosexuals,” he said. “It seems to be real clear what God thinks about homosexuality, when in fact it is completely unknown.”

All together now. Um…WHAT?!! Can I ask you something, Robbie? What do you and that boyfriend of yours do in your bedroom at night? Play endless games of Yahtzee? Work on your stamp collections?

This seems to be the procedure:

(1) Decide that you’re “oriented” to commit a sin you particularly enjoy.
(2) Declare that the Bible writers and, by extension, the Holy Spirit Who inspired them, weren’t up to speed on your “orientation.”
(3) Get a whole lot of really important people with theological degrees to agree with you.
(4) PAR -TAY!!

Then Robbie plays this old tune.

Scripture has been used to defend slavery and the mistreatment of women, he said. Now scripture is wrongly being used to speak out against homosexuality, he said, but society has a chance to correct this misconception.

Said it before and I’ll say it again, Gene. You get to play the slavery card ONLY when you can show me where in the Scriptures anyone is commanded by God to own a slave. Because I can show you lots and lots of places where we are commanded by God never to do what you and your boyfriend like to do in your off-hours.

But Robbie’s a tolerant guy. Up to a point.

Instead of simply being tolerant of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, Robinson said, the majority must actively support this group of people and fight for their rights.

“When we get white people beginning to understand they are paying a price for racism, or men realizing they are paying a price for sexism, or straight people realizing they are paying a price for the exclusion of LGBT people, then we will get somewhere,” he said.

Thanks but no thanks, R. But I would kind of like to be around when the next homosexual bishop has to explain why he has to turn down a marriage request from that polyamorous three-way…four-way? Five-way? Six-way? Seven-way? Eight-way? Nine-way?