THE HORNDOG CHURCH

from Midwest Conservative Journal by The Editor

Matt Kennedy directs the Editorial attention hither. As far as the Rev. G. Thomas Luck, dean and rector of St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral in Syracuse and canon theologian of the Diocese of Central New York is concerned, feel free to do your girlfriend/boyfriend on a regular basis. And if you two kids want to get married, hey, that’s great too:

Marriage is a sacrament in which two people enter into a union with the intention that it be life-long, making their vows before God and the church, and receiving the grace and blessing of God to help them fulfill their vows. The union of two people in heart, body and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God’s will, for the raising of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of God. In marriage it is the two people making their promises and vows to each other who are performing the sacrament, brought together by God and empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Sex is good, and in marriage it is great. I wish to call all people to use their God-given gift of sexuality for relationships that are mutually fulfilling, joyful, committed for life, faithful and sanctifying,recognizing that there are stages on the way to discerning marriage, and accept that for most people sex is part of that discerning. Yet, I urge all people, as much as possible, to save sexual relations for the person they will love most in life. And if you wish to get married, we would be happy to talk with you!

Intelligent people recognize that for the pick-up line that it is. “No, no, baby, I’m not looking for a roll in the hay,” he tells you, “How could you think such a thing? I’m trying to spiritually discern whether I should be married and who I should be married to.”

But don’t hang by the telephone since he’s not going to call you, like, ever. Next weekend, he’s going be doing some more discerning with a woman he met in a bar the evening after he did you. He’s going to discern a hot redhead the weekend after that and then he’s going to discern these blonde twins who really like to get after it.

Oh and thanks for yet another euphemism for sexual intercourse, Canon. We can never have too many of those.