INCLUSIVIDIOCY
The Episcopal Organization’s Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music has its work cut out for it. Seems they’re going to have to come up with a marriage liturgy for lesbians who like sex with men:
“I’ve figured it out! I am a lesbian!” I exclaimed to my other Sapphic friends.
Within weeks though, I was engaging in very unexpected behavior. I resumed sleeping with men with a vengeance, and yet, still identified as a lesbian.
It started with an ex-boyfriend, Eli*. He got back in touch with me a few months after we broke up.
After some email exchanges, we decided to hang out. I met him at his apartment and we caught up over wine. As the saying goes “one thing led to another,” and like a scene out of a movie, I was laughing, fell on top of him, looked into his eyes, and we started to make out. Minutes later, we were having sex.
For nearly a year the pattern continued. Whether I had one-night stands or was screwing guys casually, I still identified as a lesbian, and most of these men knew it. I never experienced any cognitive dissonance, confusion, or felt I wasn’t gay. I had learned the art of compartmentalizing and detaching emotions from sex. Sex was sex, not a declaration of sexuality. I liked having sex with men because it felt good and fulfilled all of my urges and cravings.
Right. I guess gay guys who enjoy sex with straight women will have to have their own marriage liturgy as well. As will lesbians who enjoy sex with gay guys. And straight guys who enjoy sex with straight women but only if they imagine that the women are lesbians. And straight guys who enjoy sex with straight women but only if they imagine that they themselves are the lesbians.
But I’m probably leaving somebody out.
“I’ve figured it out! I am a lesbian!” I exclaimed to my other Sapphic friends.
Within weeks though, I was engaging in very unexpected behavior. I resumed sleeping with men with a vengeance, and yet, still identified as a lesbian.
It started with an ex-boyfriend, Eli*. He got back in touch with me a few months after we broke up.
After some email exchanges, we decided to hang out. I met him at his apartment and we caught up over wine. As the saying goes “one thing led to another,” and like a scene out of a movie, I was laughing, fell on top of him, looked into his eyes, and we started to make out. Minutes later, we were having sex.
For nearly a year the pattern continued. Whether I had one-night stands or was screwing guys casually, I still identified as a lesbian, and most of these men knew it. I never experienced any cognitive dissonance, confusion, or felt I wasn’t gay. I had learned the art of compartmentalizing and detaching emotions from sex. Sex was sex, not a declaration of sexuality. I liked having sex with men because it felt good and fulfilled all of my urges and cravings.
Right. I guess gay guys who enjoy sex with straight women will have to have their own marriage liturgy as well. As will lesbians who enjoy sex with gay guys. And straight guys who enjoy sex with straight women but only if they imagine that the women are lesbians. And straight guys who enjoy sex with straight women but only if they imagine that they themselves are the lesbians.
But I’m probably leaving somebody out.
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