The Episcopal Church as a Dysfunctional Family

by Fr. William H. Ilgenfritz
Special to Virtueonline

7/29/2008

"We recommend that the Pastoral Forum develop a scheme in which existing ad hoc jurisdictions could be held "in trust" in preparation for their reconciliation within their proper Provinces. Such a scheme might draw on models derived from religious life (the relationship of religious orders to the wider Church), family life (the way in which the extended family can care for children in dysfunctional nuclear families) or from law (where escrow accounts can be created to hold monies in trust for their rightful owner on completion of certain undertakings. Ways of halting litigation must be explored, and perhaps the escrow concept could even be extended to have some applicability here."

For nearly two decades I worked with children who had been abused within their nuclear families. I know what a dysfunctional family looks like. I also know that the very systems intended to save children from the life-long effects of abuse frequently do more harm than good.

It is common practice for Children and Youth Services organizations to remove only the victims of abuse from the nuclear family, leaving behind the rest of the children. Those left behind become the next generation of abused children within the same family.

The press conference from Lambeth today, revealed a similar attitude toward the victims of abuse within the nuclear family. While offering foster care to the children who ran away from home because they could no longer tolerate the abusive patterns of behavior within the family, they did nothing to protect the many kids at home who cannot find refuge from the same abuse. (Notice the word "existing" in the above quoted paragraph) The press conference made this point very clear. The "in trust" provision applies only to those who have already departed TEC. I suppose the rest of the kids are expected to continue to suffer.

It is very sad that Lambeth appears to believe that the parents will be healed from their addiction to abuse and those children in "foster care" will eventually return home to their loving family. To say that this is rarely the case is an extreme understatement.

Victims of abuse often times become abusers. Dysfunctional families tend to go on from generation to generation. So, the sooner victims can be removed from their dysfunctional families the greater the likelihood that they will be healed and enabled to stop the pattern of abuse. My point here is that all of us stuck in the dysfunctional TEC family need the same protection as the kids who were smart enough or abused enough to run away. We don't need foster care we need adoptive parents.

It boggles the mind that there are those at Lambeth 2008 who believe that TEC will comply with any statement they issue. TEC will continue to permit same-sex blessings because TEC has as many "popes" as they have dioceses. Gene Robinson will not be the last "gay bishop." Lawsuits and depositions will continue and the American tail will continue to wag the Anglican dog.

Likewise, do those assembled at Lambeth really believe that Pittsburgh, Fort Worth and Quincy will not continue with plans to come under foreign jurisdiction this fall or that faithful Primates will suddenly decide to trust this new "Instrument of Unity" carved out of the old "Instruments of Unity?"

This whole fiasco would be very funny if it wasn't so very, very sad.


---Fr. William H. Ilgenfritz is a priest at St Mary's, Charleroi in the Diocese of Pittsburgh
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