DCNY/MCJ: THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Go to MCJ for the photo. ed.

from Midwest Conservative Journal by The Editor

I hate to keep prattling on about how awesome I am but I must once again point out that I was the first person to understand a fundamental law of the universe, namely, that every joke you make about the Episcopalians eventually comes true. And that I was(here, here, here and here) the first person to suggest the possibility that the Episcopal Organization might one day ordain inanimate objects:

By Leanne Larmondin
http://www.religionnews.com/index.php?/rnstext/barbie_gets_ordained_and_has_the_wardrobe_to_match/

April 5, 2010


With her careers as veterinarian, astronaut and U.S. president behind her, Barbie has at last found her true calling: as a second-career Episcopal priest.

The 11.5-inch-tall fictional graduate of Church Divinity School of the Pacific in Berkeley, Calif., has donned a cassock and surplice and is rector at St. Barbara’s-by-the-Sea in (where else?) Malibu, Calif.

She arrived at the church fully accessorized, as is Barbie’s custom. Her impeccably tailored ecclesiastical vestments include various colored chasubles (the sleeveless vestments worn at Mass) for every liturgical season, black clergy shirt with white collar, neat skirt and heels, a laptop with prepared sermon and a miniature, genuine Bible.

Apparently a devotee of the “smells and bells” of High Church tradition, the Rev. Barbie even has a tiny thurible, a metal vessel used for sending clouds of incense wafting toward heaven.

The Rev. Barbie, who in less than a week had drawn nearly 3,000 friends on her Facebook page, spends most of her time in the office of the Rev. Dena Cleaver-Bartholomew, rector of Christ (Episcopal) Church, in Manlius, N.Y., near Syracuse.



I suppose “orthodox” Christians would raise all sorts of “theological” objections to the “ordination” of inanimate “objects” in the Episcopal “Church” as well as to their full “inclusion” in the “life” of that institution. But it seems to me that the benefits would far outweigh the risks. These include but are not limited to:

(1) Better sermons
(2) Less heresy in sermons
(3) A lessening of Anglican Communion tensions since inanimate standing committees would be far less likely to assent to the election of controversial episcopal candidates
(4) Your parish no longer has to buy as much good coffee or communion wine.
(5) If you can take your favorite socket wrench or Dutch oven to Invite a Friend to Church Day, ASA goes through the roof.

Everybody wins.