MARKET-DRIVEN

from Midwest Conservative Journal by The Editor

Damian Geminder sends along word of an Episcopal confirmation class in the Diocese of Long Island (PDF file, Page C) that got creative:

"The confirmation class at the Caroline Church of Brookhaven in Setauket recently learned about the Nicene Creed in a new and exciting way that culminated in the composition of a creed in their own words, relevant not only to them but to everyone who has read it as well."

Is it okay if I interject something here? In trying to determine exactly how and why the Episcopal Organization went off the rails, I’ve always wondered about something. How much responsibility should the laity take?

That is, did the horrible theology come along first and the laity meekly accepted the innovations because those are really smart people, a whole lot smarter than I am, and I don’t know this Bible stuff? Or was the horrible theology a response to what the clergy heard from the people in the pews?

Most Christians learn fairly quickly that [cue Barbie voice], “Christianity is hard.” They also know that there are two approaches to that most basic of Christian facts and only two. You can try your best, fail, repent, receive God’s mercy and forgiveness, stand up for Christ and the Gospel no matter what the world tells you, offend people who don’t want to stop sinning and get labeled a bigot.

Or you can get some intellectual whore liberal “theologian” to make things easier for you. Don’t want to make that homosexual friend and co-parishioner mad by suggesting that what he does in his off-hours is a sin? Not a problem; the best “scholarship” has decided that it’s not so you’re in the clear.

I still remember all the whining from the pew-sitters at my old place about the 1928 Book of Common Prayer. The prayers are too long. They’re too boring. They call me a “miserable sinner” and I hate that. What’s the deal with all these thou’s and and thee’s and thy’s? Nobody talks like that. And who the hell even says “vouchsafe” anymore?

Now if you’re a smart, opportunistic liberal, you see those sorts of complaints as the golden opportunity that they are. Since Episcopalians who care about this stuff have long since bailed or will bail and since most of the pew-sitters who remain either support the liberal agenda or don’t care either way, you can tell people that you’re not actually dynamiting Anglican tradition, you’re meeting a need.

Note three key phrases in that highlighted paragraph above. “New and exciting way…in their own words…relevant not only to them but to everyone who has read it as well.” Those aren’t words that people with any sense of eternity use.

People who say things like that think that what some guy said two thousand years ago no longer has any relevance whatsoever. What’s important is what I think about the Christian religion and what I think the words of a Christian creed need to say.

In other words, if it doesn’t satisfy me, it has no value and I’m not interested in it. Which, when you get right down to it, means that Christianity should mean whatever I want and need it to mean, no more, no less.

That, by the way, is an attitude that Long Island Capo Di Tutti Capi Bishop Lawrence “Larry Pro” Provenzano is only too happy to encourage.

Bishop Provenzano lauded the project in an e-mail to the class in which he said, “It is a terrific statement of faith and an important expression of your own sincerely held belief. …Your creed is a gift to me and the entire Diocese of Long Island and I am grateful for your sharing it with me.”

Larry Pro even let them use it in actual worship.

Bishop Provenzano offered his blessing for Caroline Church to use this creed during all liturgies on Mother’s Day, and invited us to share it with you, our diocese, through the Dominion.

What did the kids come up with? This:

We believe in the Eternal, Sacred, and Mystical God, the Creator of all, who is powerful and all-knowing, who listens, loves, and forgives, and remains willing to be merciful and giving.

We believe in the Selfless, Divine and Human, Rebel Jesus, our Savior and BFFL (“biffle”),* who was a wanderer, healer, teacher, and storyteller. Although He died, He is living today.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the mysterious breath of God, the friendly ghost and mighty wind, who is our comforter and protector.

We believe in God’s Holy Church. It invites and welcomes us home as God’s family. It is traditional, yet intimate. It is a place of learning and worship, where we are given discipline and structure while being fed with holy food and drink.

We believe in believing and learning, in prayer, mercy, and forgiving. We believe in miracles, beauty, and music. And we believe that we matter.


I guess I could theologically pick this idiocy apart but it would be kind of like your local newspaper sending its art critic to cover an exhibit of the drawings of pre-schoolers. What would be the point?

*BFFL - Best friend for life