INSIDE 815
“Presiding Bishop’s office, how may I help you?”
“This is Bishop Charles Bennison of the Diocese of Pennsylvania. Is Bishop Katharine available?”
“One moment and I’ll connect you.”
“Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking…”
“Hello?”
“Bishop Katharine?
“Yes. Who’s this?”
“This is Charles Bennison.”
“Who?”
“Charles Bennison.”
“Doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Charles Bennison. You know. The Bishop of Pennsylvania.”
“Oh yeah, now I remember. How are things going, Chuck?”
“Well, this whole situation has obviously been pretty stressful for me but I think I’ve made great progress toward restoring trust in my ability to…”
“Listen, Chuck, could you pick up the tempo? My bowling league’s tonight. What can I do for you?”
“Well, Bishop Katharine, I’ve had a few areas of concern since I’ve resumed my duties.”
“What duties?”
“As…Bishop of…Pennsylvania?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. What’s bothering you, Chuckles?”
“First off, I don’t like being called Chuckles.”
“I think it’s funny. Read it at Captain Yips and almost broke a rib, I laughed so hard. So what’s got your panties in a wad, Chuck?”
“Uh…well. Quite frankly, Bishop Katharine, I’m beginning to feel that my total and complete exoneration from all the charges leveled against me has somewhat…strained my relations with the national church.”
“How so?”
“For one thing, why is all my correspondence from Church Center now addressed to ‘To Whom It May Concern?’”
“We’ve done that for years.”
“No we haven’t. I distinctly remember receiving mail from Church Center with ‘Charles Bennison’ on it.”
“Must be a new policy.”
“Could you look into it for me?”
“Oh for the love of…hang on.”
“Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking…”
“Chuck?”
“Yes?”
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have gotten mail addressed to ‘To Whom It May Concern.’”
“Thank you, Bishop Katharine. I was worried that because of the controversy, I was somehow being marginal…”
“During your sabbatical, the Church decided to change its communication policy. All communication between Church Center and the dioceses now takes place by telegram.”
“Telegram? Do people even send those anymore?”
“They must or we wouldn’t have changed the policy. So if you don’t receive a telegram from us…”
“May I ask the reason for this change?”
“Saves paper. We’re trying to be good environmental stewards. Anything else, Chuckles?”
“I said I don’t like to be called…”
“And I said I find it hysterically funny. Anything else?!”
“I just received my information packet for the upcoming House of Bishops meeting. Why does it say that the meeting will be held in Barrow, Alaska?”
“Because it will be. Duh.”
“The Church web site says that it will be held at the Fairmont Mayakoba in the Playa del Carmen.”
“Must be a typo.
“A typo? But there’s a reservation link at the site and everything.”
“Has to be a typo. Because I’m positive that we’re going to meet in Barrow, Alaska, Chuck.”
“Um…Bishop Katharine?”
“Now what?!!”
“Would you mind looking into it and confirming? I mean, I’d hate to fly halfway around the world and miss the fellowship with my sister and brother bishops because I’d gone to the wrong place.”
“Good God, you’re needy!”
“What?
“Nothing. Hang on.”
“Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking…”
“Yeah, it’s definitely Barrow. Listen, Chuck, I’ve got to run. Those pins don’t fall down on their own and those Natty Lights won’t drink themselves.”
No comments:
Post a Comment