FIFTEEN REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LARGE

from Midwest Conservative Journal by The Editor

So what are those wacky Episcopalians up to these days? Well, it seems that those crazy kids are going to raise $15 million dollars in order to take good care of the single most vitally important group of people in that church:

The College for Bishops has announced the formation of a $15 million endowment campaign to ensure the future of the nonprofit organization, which is designed to provide education and formation for Episcopal Church bishops in all stages of their ministry, according to a May 3 press release.

The “Endowing a Sustainable Future” campaign is chaired by the Bishop Clayton Matthews, the Episcopal Church’s bishop for pastoral development and managing director of the College for Bishops. He is joined by a group of about 30 other bishops from throughout the United States, the release said.

That sounds a bit odd. Unless the bishops are going to learn actual Christian theology, which would be a good thing as well as an innovation, you’d think that Episcopal bishops would have taken care of “education and formation” by now.

And how many times can one person take Episcopal Divinity School’s Current Trends in Heresy, Advanced Apostasy or Modern Syncretism courses anyway? Believe it or not, this announcement is tanking among the few liberals left in Episcopal pews.

Following the dissemination of the press release, discussion, mostly critical, ensued on the Episcopal Café blog, the House of Bishops/Deputies listserv and from individuals posting comments to their own Facebook pages.

“I’m amazed that this would be announced at a time when diocesan, parochial, and mission budgets across the church are being slashed; parochial clergy and staff salaries are stagnant at best; our seminaries are struggling financially; unemployment is widespread; and the wealth disparity in the country is wider than ever,” said the Rev. Richard E. Helmer, rector of the Church of Our Savior in Mill Valley, California, in a comment post on Episcopal Café.

“I don’t begrudge our bishops the need for support. No one argues about the stress they experience. But they are also generally the best-paid clerics of the church,” he said.

Frankly, I think liberal reactions to this plan have been grossly unfair. Everybody knows that episcopal “formation” covers a whole lot of ground including but not limited to:

(1) First-class airfare to and from House of Bishops meetings
(2) All-inclusive hotel accomodations
(3) Greens fees
(4) NFL luxury boxes
(5) Ten-thousand-gallon tanks of Amontillado installed in every Episcopal cathedral “for emergencies.”
(6) Land, lots of land under starry skies above
(7) Ten cases of crozier polish annually
(8) Paying off that Fort Walton Beach timeshare the HOB bought last year
(9) Hiring staff to touch confirmands during confirmations so as not to have to make actual physical contact with the laity
(10) Full miter insurance
(11) Wide-screen plasma TV’s for “sermon evaluation.”
(12) Enough money to regularly play the ponies and/or visit casinos A sufficient discretionary fund

So I don’t think $15 million dollars is unreasonable at all.