Spoof letter in response to goofy resolution sponsored by DCNY delegate

Dear Mrs Schori,

We have been shown a copy of a letter from the General Convention of
your Church asking us, in our capacity as Supreme Governor of the
Church of England, to make formal apology for our predecessor Henry VII
and for the 'Christian Doctrine of Discovery'.

We very much fear that your Convention has misunderstood the Polity of
the Church of England. Whilst it is true that we are Supreme Governor,
it is not in any personal capacity. The Supreme Governor of the Church
of England is the Crown in Parliament, who acts on the advice of her
ministers. We are assured that the matter which you have raised will be
dealt with, in due, course by the proper constitutional authorities at
an appropriate level.

Speaking personally, we are not enthusiastic about issuing
condemnations of our predecessors. Where would it all end? I am afraid
that many of our forebears entertained views and opinions which our
advisers would not permit us to hold. (Charles, it seems, has greater
freedom in these areas; but no matter).

Their personal lives, frankly, were conducted in a manner which (even
in this liberated age) we Windsors could never entertain. You would
probably take a more tolerant attitude than we to the peccadilloes of
Edward II and Richard II, but we could perhaps agree that Henry VIII is
infinitely more deserving of censure than his father. To divorce a
blameless wife in order to marry a strumpet, to found an entire Church
in order to do so, and then to behead the strumpet in question, does
not seems to us a fitting precedent for subsequent Anglican behaviour.
But perhaps your Convention would draw different conclusions. And then
there is the matter of George IV and poor Caroline.

We are sure that our ministers will wisely steer us from any course
which might involve us in this modish and fruitless round of historical
recrimination, and until such time we offer you our sincerest good
wishes in your difficult role.

Elizabeth R.