TRANSYLVANIA 6-5000
“I see where you Episcopalians just voted to give the trannies an attaboy. Or an attagirl, as the case may be:
“If you mean the transgendered, you’re quite right. It’s a question of living up to our baptismal covenant for another. We’re all quite excited about being part of a church that would take such a momentous step.”
“I know. I saw the #GC77 hashtag on Twitter. You guys are acting like Lincoln freed the slaves or something.”
“Plus, it’s a question of simple justice. As Susan Russell said, ‘The resolutions passed today in the House of Bishops bring us another step closer to making all the sacraments available to all the baptized.
“The courageous witness of our transgender brothers and sisters has been an extraordinary gift to the church as we continue to grow in understanding and appreciation of the diversity of God’s beloved human family.’”
“As usual, Miss Russell is talking out of her narthex. Who’s denying sacraments to anybody? And if you’re talking about trannie ministers and bishops, does anybody in the Episcopal Organization…”
“Church!!”
“Uh huh. Anyway, does anybody inside the Episcopal Whatever think that would be a serious issue at this point?”
“Our partners in the Anglican Communion would certainly object. Strongly.”
“And we all know how seriously you Episcopalians listen to them and consider their views. But I just hope that Miss Russell and the other people who are so giddy about these measures realize the can of worms they’ve just opened up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t accept the basic premise but for the sake of argument, I’ll pretend that I do. Remember that old chestnut about how, ‘I was born that way?’”
“Of course.”
“If transexuals were ‘born that way,’ you’ve got two possibilities. God is either incompetent or a sadist.”
“What?”
“He put them in bodies that caused them a lot of pain and anguish before they figured things out. Allegedly. Or he put them in bodies that required expensive surgeries before they could be who He created them to be. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t make a lick of sense.”
“Life often doesn’t make sense. Bishop Robinson said, ’My understanding is that gender identity has to do with the gender that a particular individual identifies with and in some cases it does not agree with the physical manifestations of sexuality that that person has been born with. And some of them, although not all of them, choose to have changes made in their physical bodies to match that gender identity.’”
“Then I don’t want to alarm you or anything but Robbie’s really stepped in it.”
“How so?”
“Let me get this straight. If you’re born with boy parts but you ‘identify with’ girls, you can become a girl if you want to. Ditto if you’re born with girl parts and ‘identify’ the other way. Right?”
“Right.”
“Essentially, you’re sexual identity is up to you.”
“That’s correct. What’s your point?”
“Robbie’s just said that you can stop being gay.”
“No he hasn’t!! What are you talking about?!!”
“Identity happens in the mind, right?”
“Of course.”
“If you’re sexually attracted to persons of your own sex but if you also agree that the Bible means what it says, you can, in your mind, decide that your sexual attractions should be different from what they are and take whatever steps you have to in order to change them to whatever your think they ought to be.”
“No!! That’s not right!!”
“So being a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’ is a fluid concept. If God screwed up and put you in the wrong body, not a problem. It’ll cost you big time but you can always fix the Creator’s mistake. But only homosexuality is an existential, fundamental and universal law of the Medes and the Persians which altereth not?”
“Well, uh. I don’t think that…I’m pretty sure that…I don’t…hey, is that Justin Bieber?”
“If you mean the transgendered, you’re quite right. It’s a question of living up to our baptismal covenant for another. We’re all quite excited about being part of a church that would take such a momentous step.”
“I know. I saw the #GC77 hashtag on Twitter. You guys are acting like Lincoln freed the slaves or something.”
“Plus, it’s a question of simple justice. As Susan Russell said, ‘The resolutions passed today in the House of Bishops bring us another step closer to making all the sacraments available to all the baptized.
“The courageous witness of our transgender brothers and sisters has been an extraordinary gift to the church as we continue to grow in understanding and appreciation of the diversity of God’s beloved human family.’”
“As usual, Miss Russell is talking out of her narthex. Who’s denying sacraments to anybody? And if you’re talking about trannie ministers and bishops, does anybody in the Episcopal Organization…”
“Church!!”
“Uh huh. Anyway, does anybody inside the Episcopal Whatever think that would be a serious issue at this point?”
“Our partners in the Anglican Communion would certainly object. Strongly.”
“And we all know how seriously you Episcopalians listen to them and consider their views. But I just hope that Miss Russell and the other people who are so giddy about these measures realize the can of worms they’ve just opened up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t accept the basic premise but for the sake of argument, I’ll pretend that I do. Remember that old chestnut about how, ‘I was born that way?’”
“Of course.”
“If transexuals were ‘born that way,’ you’ve got two possibilities. God is either incompetent or a sadist.”
“What?”
“He put them in bodies that caused them a lot of pain and anguish before they figured things out. Allegedly. Or he put them in bodies that required expensive surgeries before they could be who He created them to be. I don’t know about you but that doesn’t make a lick of sense.”
“Life often doesn’t make sense. Bishop Robinson said, ’My understanding is that gender identity has to do with the gender that a particular individual identifies with and in some cases it does not agree with the physical manifestations of sexuality that that person has been born with. And some of them, although not all of them, choose to have changes made in their physical bodies to match that gender identity.’”
“Then I don’t want to alarm you or anything but Robbie’s really stepped in it.”
“How so?”
“Let me get this straight. If you’re born with boy parts but you ‘identify with’ girls, you can become a girl if you want to. Ditto if you’re born with girl parts and ‘identify’ the other way. Right?”
“Right.”
“Essentially, you’re sexual identity is up to you.”
“That’s correct. What’s your point?”
“Robbie’s just said that you can stop being gay.”
“No he hasn’t!! What are you talking about?!!”
“Identity happens in the mind, right?”
“Of course.”
“If you’re sexually attracted to persons of your own sex but if you also agree that the Bible means what it says, you can, in your mind, decide that your sexual attractions should be different from what they are and take whatever steps you have to in order to change them to whatever your think they ought to be.”
“No!! That’s not right!!”
“So being a ‘man’ or a ‘woman’ is a fluid concept. If God screwed up and put you in the wrong body, not a problem. It’ll cost you big time but you can always fix the Creator’s mistake. But only homosexuality is an existential, fundamental and universal law of the Medes and the Persians which altereth not?”
“Well, uh. I don’t think that…I’m pretty sure that…I don’t…hey, is that Justin Bieber?”
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