Wednesday, December 14, 2011


AND NOW…IDIOTS

Talk about retiring the trophy.  Give it up for the stupidest Tim Tebow commentary that has ever been written or is ever likely to be written:


Next Sunday, the Broncos host the New England Patriots in a game coveted so much by the networks that NBC and CBS sparred in unprecedented fashion over who would get to broadcast it.   And why not?  While the Patriots are adored by their fans (myself included), to many nationwide they are regarded as the Sons of Darkness, with their perfectly coiffed Hollywood quarterback and their brilliant – one might say diabolical – hoodie-clad coach.  And, oh yes, the most identifiably Jewish owner in sports.  Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and Bob Kraft are all upstanding citizens, moral exemplars in their home communities, but in this Oberammergau of the Rockies, they are playing the role of Pilate.

Oberammergau of the Rockies.  Get it?  That’s the town in Germany where they have all those passion plays.  But this stupid douchebag’s just getting warmed up.


People are always looking for signs of God’s beneficence, and a victory by the Orange Crush over the blue-clad Patriots, from the bluest of blue states, will give fodder to a Christian revivalism that has already turned the Republican presidential race into a pander-thon to social conservatives, rekindling memories of those cultural icons of the ‘80s, the Moral Majority and “Hee Haw.”  The culture wars are alive and well, and, if the current climate in Washington is any indicator, the motors are being revved up for what will undoubtedly be the most cantankerous Presidential campaign ever.  When supposedly well-educated candidates publicly question overwhelming scientific evidence on climate change and evolution and then gain electoral traction by fabricating conspiracies about a war on Christmas, these are not rational times.

So irrational, in fact, that if Tebow and the Broncos win the Super Bowl, look for conservative Christians to rampage from one end of this country to the other, rounding up Mexicans, beating up homosexuals and burning down mosques.


If Tebow wins the Super Bowl, against all odds, it will buoy his faithful, and emboldened faithful can do insane things, like burning mosques, bashing gays and indiscriminately banishing immigrants.  While America has become more inclusive since Jerry Falwell’s first political forays, a Tebow triumph could set those efforts back considerably. 

Also converting the Jews.


And it makes me wonder whether other Jews, the ones who don’t happen to have advanced degrees in religion and a few decades of rabbinic experience, might be even more seduced by this unfolding drama.  Will legions of Southern Baptist missionaries hit the college campuses the very next day, spreading this new gospel of Tim?

After relieving himself all over every traditionalist Christian in the world, dude went on to write this crap, presumably with a straight face.


Unlike some other blue-staters, I do not fear people of faith.

As long as it’s not a “faith” in anything in particular.


I fear people of certainty.  The worldwide struggle going on right now is not between good and evil, but between certainty and doubt.  It cuts across denominational lines: Progressive and Modern Orthodox Jews lie on one side of the divide, joining mainline Christians and moderate Muslims; and those on the other side are also Jews, Christians and Muslims; the people of certainty.

Know something, “Rabbi?”  I hope you don’t think any rational person finds anything attractive in your version of “faith.”  Most people who take their religions seriously find nothing honorable or worthwhile in the sort of indiscriminate, pedal-to-the-medal libel you engage in here.  So enjoy your ever-increasing public irrelevance.

Jackass.

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