WAITING FOR ROWANOT

from Midwest Conservative Journal by The Editor

A short play in one act

ESTRAGON: Anything?

VLADIMIR: (looks up from his laptop) Nothing yet.

ESTRAGON: You’d think he’d have said something by now.

VLADIMIR: Why? He really hasn’t said anything before.

ESTRAGON: True. You want something to drink?

VLADIMIR: Yes, but nothing too strong.

ESTRAGON: I’ll make you a Jim Naughton.

VLADIMIR: What’s that?

ESTRAGON: Vodka and Diet Peach Snapple with a twist of lemon.

VLADIMIR: Sounds perfect.

Estragon gets up from his recliner, goes over to the bar, makes two drinks, hands one to Vladimir and sits back down.

VLADIMIR: (sips his drink): Thanks, this is great. You know, he could easily recycle some of his old ones. Lord knows, he’s used them often enough.

ESTRAGON: Quite correct. This consecration is unhelpful. This consecration is extremely disappointing. This consecration is unhelpful and extremely disappointing.

VLADIMIR: Don’t forget the one about the serious consequences for the life of the Communion. I love that one.

ESTRAGON: One of his best. I never get tired of it.

VLADIMIR: So he’s got the material. Why doesn’t he use some of it?

ESTRAGON: Particularly since the Anglican Communion is shattering around him.

VLADIMIR: That’s not how I’d phrase it.

ESTRAGON: How would you phrase it?

VLADIMIR: The Anglican Communion is turning into an embarrassing joke.

ESTRAGON: Explain.

VLADIMIR: You’ve got one of the most important and influential international Christian bodies in the world ripped apart and the only responses the spiritual leader of the world’s Anglicans can come up with are appointing committees, issuing reports and yammering.

ESTRAGON: True. Good thing Charles V was no Rowanot. “Herr Luther, the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V orders you to recant your heresies within seven days. If you do not, the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V will order you to recant your heresies within seven days a second time.”

VLADIMIR: You’d think he’d say something.

ESTRAGON: He probably won’t. Ever.

VLADIMIR: Why not?

ESTRAGON: Simple. The part of the Anglican world whose views are congenial with his own…

VLADIMIR: The West.

ESTRAGON:…is draining members and hasn’t influenced its societies in any meaningful way in decades. While the parts of the Communion that are growing and vibrant espouse views Rowanot finds distasteful.

VLADIMIR: So he’d have to both admit the possibility that he was wrong and make an actual decision.

ESTRAGON: Rowanot could throw in the with the West and become little more than a British government functionary or throw in with the conservatives and get thrown out of polite Western liberal society.

VLADIMIR: Hence the temporization. And the joke that was the last Lambeth Conference. You’ve explained it well.

ESTRAGON: Thank you.

VLADIMIR: But I’m curious about something. The West does have a great deal of money. It could support all the missionaries who volunteered to take its message to the world. Might that not turn the tide in its favor?

ESTRAGON: No. When western liberal Anglicans go on (makes quotation marks with fingers)”mission trips,” they generally don’t take Bibles with them.

VLADIMIR: Quite right.

A long silence ensues in which Estragon and Vladimir surf the Web on their laptops and watch television. Estragon gets up, makes two more drinks, hands one to Vladimir and sits back down. After another long silence…

ESTRAGON: Anything?

VLADIMIR: Nothing yet.

The End